What is Swinging?
Swinging is usually defined as recreational sex with someone other than your mate, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. It is not your average, traditional dating experience. It usually occurs between two couples or between a couple and a single female. Anyone you know could be a Swinger. The come from all walks of life, all religions, all social classes, however the majority are Caucasian and are middle to upper class married couples. It is difficult to find a single woman who swings. They are out there, but it takes a lot of work to find them!
Swinging allows couples to enhance their relationship with each other, it can bring on a better understanding between them. Love and intimacy can be brought to a new height between couples who swing.
Women who swing are few and far between, even though their numbers have increased the past 10 years. Swinging can provide entertainment and direction to the single woman, and many find that “lasting” relationship they have been searching for.
There are genuine men swingers out there who may have had a past relationship with a swinging partner. They may be interested in finding another partner to swing with, or they may just be unhappy in their current relationship. Some men want to swing, but just can’t imagine their partner with another person. This is not unusual. There are single men, just like single women, who long to find that the personal growth that can come with this kind of experience. Because the term "Swinging" is often misunderstood many men, there is sometimes an excess of single men who are not really “swinging”, as it is understood by those in the Lifestyle, out looking for partners. They are instead looking to find other women to engage in sexual activity. Some may have received permission from their spouse to “fool around”... and some, unfortunately, may do it without permission.
The actual sexual activity of swinging can be varied. It is much like that of a traditional relationship, with oral sex being very popular. Bisexual swinging is more common among women than among men. Keep in mind; swingers are people, just like you and me. Sex is the same with them as with anyone else. Tastes vary from person to person, and from couple to couple.
General Swinging Etiquette
Now that we have all of that straight, lets get into the discussion about etiquette. First priority should be to contact the host and/or hostess. Find out what kind of party you will be attending. It could be held by a local organization, a bar/disco, a lifestyle association, or held by a private couple in their home.
An On-Premise party is where you will find rooms/space for sexual activity. These kinds of parties usually take place in a private home and are usually for mainly couples, and by invitation only.
Off-Premise parties usually take place in hotels, clubs, and similar settings. The main purpose for this kind of party is to interact and meet people. Sexual intercourse at an event like this is rare (not that it couldn’t happen) and most interested people will exchange phone numbers for a later date, or leave the event with the other interested people to have sex in a different location, such as a hotel room.
What is a Swing Club?
Swing clubs are any organization, formal or informal, which exists to provide swinging activities. Swing clubs exist in a variety of forms. These include Swing Clubs, Party Houses, Circles and Socials, Bars and Cocktail Lounges and Contact Services. All but the contact services may be on-premises or off-premises. Contact services work through the mail or telephone and rarely provide swing parties although they may promote group travel. Parties given by on-premises swing clubs may have from ten to sixty or more couples, though twenty to forty couples is the common average. On-premises means that sexual activity occurs at the party. Off-premises swing clubs, cocktail lounges and bars help you to meet other swingers. Swinging will be elsewhere with the interested couples and singles responsible for the arrangements. The arrangements include who is to be invited, the location, date and time.
The on-premises party offers a wide possibility of social interaction, selection, potential of swinging with others in a foursome, threesome, one-on-one, or in a group scene. Bisexual as well as heterosexual swinging is possible, principally among women. And the club on-premises party offers this without pressure in a structured environment. Private, semi-private and group rooms are generally provided to meet the desires of virtually everyone. Heated pools, Jacuzzi’s and hot tubs may be available to accent the social environment.
What to know before you go to a swingers party?
Usually the host/hostess will fill in any details as to specific rules at the party you will be attending during the initial meeting. Maybe there is a “theme” and costumes are required. Maybe there is no alcohol allowed. You must be informed of these rules to avoid embarrassing situations that might spoil the evening. Just as with any other social event, please RSVP before going to a party and see if you can bring something. Would you show up to a dinner party without a hostess gift? Most likely not. Bring some wine or flowers for everyone to share!
You should pack a bag of personal items/toiletries to take with you, maybe a bathrobe and a couple of towels would be a good idea. Other items you may want to bring are condoms, toys, lotions, lubricants, and any other personal items you might need.
It is inappropriate to arrive at a couple’s only party separate from your partner. Arrive on time, or as close as possible. Usually the first hour or two is spent getting to know the other party guests. If you arrive late, you may miss out on this and walk into a party that is already in “full swing”.
Please shower before you go to a party. Nothing can be so offensive as an unwashed body. Make sure you are clean and fresh! It may also be a good idea to be sure that your fingernails are trimmed and snag free. Don’t wear an excess of cologne or perfume. Some people are allergic to some scents and this may ruin your night.
When you are at swingers party?
Once you have arrived at a party, make sure to greet your host/hostess. Find out about the room situation. Ask which rooms are private and which ones are open. Many parties will have a general room, where everyone gathers to get to know each other. Then as the evening progresses, they will move to different rooms in the house/party. There are usually rooms open to all (like a free for all room) and then there are private rooms where couples don’t want to be bothered by others. Not everyone enjoys voyeurism, so be sure you know which rooms are which.
It is a good idea for couples to remain together at these parties unless discussed otherwise. If one partner wanders off with another person, jealousy issues could arise. Make sure you have discussed this with your partner before attending. It is also a good idea to have pre-arranged signals with your partner to avoid being rude and offending anyone. Everyone has the right to say NO but if your partner is unaware that you are not attracted to someone, this could lead to you having to say something at the party. Instead, a hand signal, certain phrase, or a certain facial movement can let your partner know you are not comfortable with the person/situation without hurting anyone else’s feelings.
Be neat and tidy. Clean up after yourself when at a party. It is common courtesy and can help keep the likelihood of disease down to a minimum.
Keep alcohol assumption to a minimum. While a drink or two can help you loosen up, there is nothing worse than waking up the next day and wondering what you did last night! Most parties do not allow drugs so please stay drug free for the night. It is not good for you anyways!
Disease is quite common. Many couples will seek out other people who have the same diseases so they do not endanger anyone else. Many couples insist on using condoms. Some don’t. It is your decision weather or not to use a condom, though it is recommended. ANY type of sexual contact can transmit diseases. Be careful and be safe!
Respect other people’s feelings. Not everyone at the party will be an experienced swinger. Some people may be nervous and shy. Don’t be rude when saying NO. It is your right to say NO to anyone, but do it with tact. Be polite. Don’t be pushy and try to manipulate others to your will. If someone says NO to you don’t take it personally. There are numerous reasons why they might be saying NO. But asking “why?” is inappropriate.
Use discretion. If you see someone you know at a party, don’t be alarmed. Don’t tell everyone at work that you saw them there. Don’t talk about it at lunch! Respect their privacy and they will respect yours back. After all, YOU had to be there to see them!
The most important thing to remember is that you are not obligated to do anything that you don’t want to do. It is a known, universal rule among swingers that saying NO means NO. If you are harassed about it, or notice anyone else being harassed, please notify the host/hostess of your party. The rude person may be asked to leave and not be invited to return!
Tips for New Swingers
Couples should try to stay together until they feel comfortable. Use the support of your partner to help ease your tensions. Allow yourself to loosen up and then maybe later, you can mingle with the other people separately. Be open with your partner about your feelings. Don’t sit and “stew” if something happens that you are uncomfortable with. Don’t let feelings of jealousy fester, until it hurts your relationship. This is a new beginning for the two of you. Mistakes are bound to happen! Don’t be a clingy wallflower. Try to go-with-the flow at parties. If people around you start to undress, go ahead and join them. You can of course remain fully clothed, no one will think bad of you, but you may be a bit more likely to enjoy the night if you “cast aside” your trepidation and join the crowd. There is no reason to be rude to anyone if you don’t like them sexually. Everyone is aware that NO could be the next word that comes out of your mouth. Be polite and courteous even if you don’t want to “play”. Not every couple that goes to a party has sex. Some enjoy just watching and then going home and have sex in their own bed, using the night’s voyeurism as an aphrodisiac or foreplay to sex. This is OK!
How to throw your own party?
Well this may seem like a simple thing, though it can be a lot of work. The first thing you must do is clean your house. May seem like common sense right? Well you would be surprised! Please put clean sheets on the bed and have clean towels for your guests.
Figure out which rooms are which in your home. Which room should be the “social area”, which rooms should be private, and which should be open. Make sure you have enough parking for your guests, and please keep the pets outside or in another room.
If you have children it is best to have them spend the night with a friend or relative. Even if they are upstairs in bed, they might still want a glass of water later ... you can imagine how awkward that could be for your child and your guests!
Choose a nice variety of music to play. Hard rock like Metallica may not be the best choice! You want to be sure that everyone is comfortable so try to choose soothing, relaxing music for your party. You may also want to consider providing some sexually oriented games for people to play. This can be a great icebreaker for people who are new to the lifestyle! It is also a good idea to provide some extra condoms for those who forgot to bring their own.
It is nice to designate a smoking area for your guests. A patio, garage, or specific room can be used for this purpose. Weather or not you are a smoker yourself; others may find this habit offensive, while others really need to grab a smoke! You want everyone to be comfortable at your party. If you want to make it public, don't forget to post your private party on the Members Calendar.
As for the rest, we are sure you can figure it out. A party is a party! Invite people whom you know and trust. Maybe you can come up with a “theme” for your party too! Just keep in mind that this is supposed to be a fun night for you too. Don’t wear yourself out!